SNOW PWNED! "Once In A Generation Storm" Fails To Materialize

Promised blizzard, snow ponies nowhere in sight; area children, sled vendors crushed

Atop a hill in Petit Park, a forlorn group of children stood in the dust at the crest of a dry dirt slope. Each child clutched a plastic disc sled, and each was wearing an adorable knitted cap with little matching mittens.

"When is the snow coming, Miss Havisham?" they pleaded, a shred of hope remaining in their small voices.

"I'm sorry children, but it looks like there just isn't going to be any," their guardian says, a quaver in her voice. "Let's go home."

Defeated, the children drag their sleds back to the broken-down bus that will return them back to their home at Granada Hills Leukemia Care Orphanage. Their planned day of hot chocolate, sledding, and snow angels canceled, the children will instead spend the duration of the weekend receiving rounds of chemotherapy and a series of painful injections.

Meanwhile, in nearby Burbank, near the intersection of Chandler and Buena Vista, children from the Burbank Center For Snotty Rich Kids laughed and threw snowballs at the waiters who slipped and staggered up the icy slope, carrying trays filled with steaming mugs of Valrhona cocoa to their waiting hands.

Granada Hills residents are left asking: why?

Area weatherman Tom Tcimpidis (pictured at right) delivered the un-chilling news at 10pm last night, even as he still tried to stoke hopes: "There is still an outside chance that we could see some light snow in the upper GH elevations by just before dawn - it's 35 at my location as I write this - but a repeat of 1978 or 1989 is very unlikely unless we get lucky enough to have a particularly unstable and large cell pass over us."

But by morning, it was clear that weather forecasters in Granada Hills had been doing nothing but serving up a steaming tray of lies.

As he boarded the orphanage bus, little Timmy Copperthwaite meekly asked, "When can we come back and wait for the snow again? Can we come back tomorrow?"

"Maybe next year, Timmy," his guardian said, fighting back her tears. "Maybe next year."

Thanks to Debbie Lopez for snow ponies photo


  1. Unfortunately, the foothills, which are so much a part of Granada Hills aesthetic attraction, played against us this time. Normally, most of our storms come in from the south and the upslope actions of the foothills produces heavier rain and stronger convective activity in our area. This is one of the reasons why our rainfall totals in Granada Hills typically run well ahead of the local average (we’ve had 6” more rain for this season than the L.A. average).

    This time, the storm came in from the northeast and the foothills acted as a natural buffer for us directly behind them, deflecting the storm and producing upslope activity on the opposite side of the foothills. This caused much of the rain and snow to fall both on the opposite side from us and further south than Granada Hills.

    In many of the local areas it definitely was a once in a generation storm, but such was not the case for GH. But the good news is that no ponies were hurt by the storm!


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