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Breaking: VONS DRAMA AS BELOVED CASHIERS BRANDI AND SANDY DEPART UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES SHROUDED IN SECRECY

The scene at Vons on San Fernando Mission Boulevard today was one of consternation: dramatically longer lines than one would typically expect on a Wednesday around 6:00 p.m., stretching all the way from the checkout lanes, up the frozen aisle, and not just to the front of that aisle, where there's ice cream, but to the far end, where there's broccoli. Similarly, the self-checkout line, always a little fubar, went well past the Starbucks and stretched as far as the raspberries and beyond.  Patrons weren't grumbling too  loudly, but there was plenty of requests for, "Can you hold my place while I grab one more thing?" which were met with a good natured shrug, because the inching pace meant it would make little difference.  The reason for the extensive delays, according to sources who spoke under condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak with the media (or even to me), was because two of the store's beloved cashiers, Brandi and Sandy, had b...
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Archive: Master of Pirates

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Mike Spasoff is a tireless servant to this community -- at least for a few months out of the year -- and that's good enough for me. It's also more than good enough for the 600 trick-or-treaters he delights and terrifies with the elaborate, Disney-rivaling, pirate-themed yard display at his house on San Fernando Mission Boulevard (near Shoshone). When I was a kid, I used to always wish someone in the neighborhood would do something beyond carving a pumpkin. Fortunately, kids in Mike's neighborhood will never have to cope with that same unfulfilled sense of longing that I always had. What makes you want to invest the time, money, and resources into such an elaborate production? I can remember the magic of walking the streets of our neighborhood each Halloween and the excitement of finding a house that did something more than just a jack-o-lantern or a cardboard skeleton. My parents and I always made a special effort to do something extra but it wasn't until we moved to...
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Thoughts on Joe's Cafe and cancel culture

On June 1, 2020, the date when people planned to gather in Granada Hills to protest George Floyd's killing, fearful rumors began flying early. The protest was certain to be violent. The claims that it was planned as a "peaceful" protest was certain to be cover for looters. Some started spreading the rumor that "the organizers have cancelled the event," presumably with the hope of making that come true.  I spent that afternoon trying to debunk the myths that seemed designed to suppress the event from happening. Myth debunking has, at times during 2020, seemed like a full-time job for me, starting with my pointless and overmatched efforts to argue with "the pandemic is a liberal hoax" theorists. I still find it difficult to believe that my pleas for evidence-based reasoning would so often be dismissed as radical.  Yet I stubbornly cling to my insistence that without evidence to support them, beliefs are worthless.  On social media, I pled with fear-sprea...
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