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Breaking: VONS DRAMA AS BELOVED CASHIERS BRANDI AND SANDY DEPART UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES SHROUDED IN SECRECY

The scene at Vons on San Fernando Mission Boulevard today was one of consternation: dramatically longer lines than one would typically expect on a Wednesday around 6:00 p.m., stretching all the way from the checkout lanes, up the frozen aisle, and not just to the front of that aisle, where there's ice cream, but to the far end, where there's broccoli. Similarly, the self-checkout line, always a little fubar, went well past the Starbucks and stretched as far as the raspberries and beyond.  Patrons weren't grumbling too  loudly, but there was plenty of requests for, "Can you hold my place while I grab one more thing?" which were met with a good natured shrug, because the inching pace meant it would make little difference.  The reason for the extensive delays, according to sources who spoke under condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak with the media (or even to me), was because two of the store's beloved cashiers, Brandi and Sandy, had b...
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Archive: Master of Pirates

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Mike Spasoff is a tireless servant to this community -- at least for a few months out of the year -- and that's good enough for me. It's also more than good enough for the 600 trick-or-treaters he delights and terrifies with the elaborate, Disney-rivaling, pirate-themed yard display at his house on San Fernando Mission Boulevard (near Shoshone). When I was a kid, I used to always wish someone in the neighborhood would do something beyond carving a pumpkin. Fortunately, kids in Mike's neighborhood will never have to cope with that same unfulfilled sense of longing that I always had. What makes you want to invest the time, money, and resources into such an elaborate production? I can remember the magic of walking the streets of our neighborhood each Halloween and the excitement of finding a house that did something more than just a jack-o-lantern or a cardboard skeleton. My parents and I always made a special effort to do something extra but it wasn't until we moved to...
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Starlet Visits Granada Hills!

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I typically don't do much reporting on crime stories unless something about them cracks me up (e.g. this one ), but I was excited to learn from The Associated Press that the "Starlet Bandit" just hit one of our local banks. Oooh, I love starlets -- especially when they visit Granada Hills! Judging by her surveillance camera snaps, I can see why this starlet traded casting calls for a life of crime; even full-figured gals have to pay the rent, and Hollywood is a tough town when you're not a size 0. Fortunately, on this side of the hill, she blends right in, and unlike L.A., Granada Hills is having a distinct starlet shortage, so I say, come on over! I only wish we had a local branch of Goldman Sachs she could heist.
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