Repeat After Me: There's No Such Thing As Random Candy Poisoners

There has never been even one verified case of random Halloween candy poisoning in the United States, EVER.

Yet this urban legend persists. A week ago, at Tulsa Elementary School, an LAPD officer stood up in front of the entire student body and warned them not about pedestrian hazards (the number one threat to children on Halloween), but about "bad guys" who might give out tainted treats.

So much for community policing.

Instead of encouraging people to -- gulp -- cooperate with and get to know their neighbors, this officer spread misinformation to about six hundred kids who now believe that their neighbors are likely to poison them, you know, just for kicks.

People, please: the "Halloween Sadist" who randomly poisons children belongs in the same category as Chupacabra, The Loch Ness Monster, or CHUDs.

Of course, if you believe in Chupacabra, The Loch Ness Monster, or CHUDs (or even "Faeries"), I can't help you, so you might as well spend Hallowe'en cowering in the darkness clutching your garlic, a cross, and a can of CHUD-Away, praying that the boogeyman doesn't boogie down your door. Meanwhile, I'll be busy meeting and greeting my neighbors in this wonderful town I call home.

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